From the by M.D. Fletcher |
November 2011 |
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Look, I know you've been busy, what with worrying about global warming and the Greek economy and the Kardashian wedding and whether or not the Dancing with the Stars judges are finally going to get their well-deserved beat-down at the hands of one or more of their unfortunately lead-footed contestants, and so forth, but I've got some rather disturbing news for you: The Holidays, They Are A-Coming. First up is Thanksgiving which, as we all know, is devoted to celebrating the essential essence of the American dream, namely watching a 285 lb. defensive linebacker skillfully decapitate a hapless and less than sufficiently nimble quarterback on third and long while we simultaneously ingest massive quantities of poultry and/or swine products. Good times, indeed, and well worth the price of having to do so in the company of a collection of unabashedly goofy and/or frequently unpleasant family members you'd frankly rather not see all that often. But we should also keep in mind that Thanksgiving involves more than just the sheer primal pleasure of unbridled gluttony coupled with the spectacle of NCAA-sanctioned blood sport. Yes indeed, the holiday itself has long had at its roots the uniquely American notion that we as a nation are so selfish individually that we must formally dedicate at least one day out of the year for the purpose of pretending to be thankful for whatever it is we should each be thankful for, no matter how meager whatever it is we should be thankful for, is. Historical note: That we should do it in a gaseous condition watching football probably came later. Anyway, as yet another valuable service to our loyal and devoted membership, I have thoughtfully listed some of things you might consider being thankful for and probably would be thankful for if only you weren't such an unrepentant ingrate. No need to thank me; it's what I do. Bill Richardson: This may be just me, but I've got to tell you good old Big Bill gave me eight solid years of unreservedly hilarious material that just wrote itself for this column. I don't wish to get all misty-eyed over his departure but I was deeply saddened by his leaving unindicted. But every time a crony gets hired for a high-paying, useless job in some state capitol, or a corporate contributor gets shaken down |
for a Presidential campaign on a mafia-style pay-to-play basis, or a secretary out of the Roundhouse bags a six-figure settlement for an egregious Hostile Workplace EEOC complaint, we'll know Billy is there at least in spirit, and he's smiling. We can all be thankful he is now pursuing other interests elsewhere. The United States Congress: Not since Andrew Jackson stabled his farm animals in the Senate Rotunda has there been more barnyard behavior in the Halls of Congress. Both sides of the aisle share blame for forgetting that the soul of politics is compromise and to get things done you've got to man-up and make it work. In the meantime, we can all be thankful for our right to vote. Steve Jobs: Here's a guy who will go down in history as a brilliant technological pioneer of the digital revolution. He created millions of jobs, made billions of dollars and was in turn loving, abrasive, abrupt, generous and loyal. His intelligence was off-the-charts and his last, dying words were, "Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow". Many among us will gain a good measure of comfort from that. All of us can be thankful we lived in the same world as Steve Jobs. Cheez-Whiz: C'mon, it's cheese in a can! What's not to love about that? Network News: Despite the fact that anyone with access to the Internet may easily learn all the news of the day in about 10 minutes, network news anchors possess the rare talent of taking 30 minutes (18 minutes subtracting commercials) to tell you a very little bit about three apparently randomly selected subjects, plus a feel-good puff-piece at the end. While this production may well be considered entertainment, it is not always but generally far from broadcast journalism. Therefore, we may all be thankful for the development of the World Wide Web as it keeps us from becoming entirely ignorant Each Other: Like it or not, we're all in the same boat. Cultivate and celebrate positive relationships every day of your life. And be thankful for them. So there you have it, dear gentle reader. Remember the Holidays come around but once a year so put on your big boy pants and get on with it. |
